Q: WHO WINS?

A: The alien...damn, he's got a gun.


Ok, here's the thing. I was thinking about buying a derby but I wasn't sure if it was the right life choice for me, so I asked my doctor about it.

Me: Yo Doc! You think I could pull off a derby hat, yo?
Doc: I don't believe we've met.

That wasn't exactly the answer I wanted. The answer I wanted was yes, so I asked a hat salesman.

Me: Yo Hatman! You think I could pull off a derby hat, yo?
Hatman: I don't believe so.

I was crushed. Devastated. Hurt. I was flabbergasted. I was...hungry. So I went to Burger King

Me: Yo Burger Punk! Think I could pull off a der...ahem. Yo Burger Punk! Think I could pull off a number 2 combo minus the onions?
Burger Punk: Have it your way.

Whoa...I was blown away by that answer to be sure. I almost threw up my breakfast. I paid for the food and then ate that food that was paid for previously. Afterwards I asked Burger Punk

Me: BUUUUUUUUUURRRRGGEERRRRRR PUUUUUUNNNNNNKKKKKK!
Burger Punk: Yes?
Me: Give me one derby hat!
Burger Punk: Have it your way.

There it was again. The golden calf of answers.

Me: I WANT TO HAVE IT MY WAY!

I had it my way...I had it my way, every way, derby hat or not.